Psychological reflections from a 12H year

Ah, the 12th house. The place of shadows, patterns, self undoing, hidden things, letting go, isolation, retreat and spiritual liberation - to name a few. Of course Saturn is said to rejoice here, as our ol' boy Saturn loves all things that require effort, perseverance, commitment, things in the margin, and limits. This is not a place for the faint of heart. And all of our hearts have their spaces of faintness, so we all are tasked to go here from time to time, whether we enjoy the task or not.

I've been navigating my way through a 12H profection year (since February) and the lessons have been incoming. In preparation for the Dark Moon Cafe episode 009 "A Spotlight on the Stage" https://darkmooncafe.com/ I took a retrospective look at my previous 12H profection years and noticed some interesting themes. For one, these years tended to be marked by deep introspection around my truth, my shadow side, and a curiosity to question core beliefs (hello my Mercury-ruled 12H in Virgo). And I only saw these patterns due to what I noticed in every 1st house profection year...which was big personal change! So it struck me that in these 12H years, we are given the opportunity to take time to look deeply within and to release that which no longer serves us...that which feeds self undoing...that which holds us prisoner, within ourselves. To let go of what holds us down and keeps us trapped. Releasing what no longer serves us though is MUCH easier said than done, as this nearly mandates a reworking of our personal boundaries, self concept and often interpersonal dynamics. Basically, a re-orienting of our comfort zone...which is not so comfortable. But this is a task here in the 12th house, and we can do hard things. The tricky part, if all the aforementioned elements weren't tricky enough, is that in this space, going it alone is often where the riches are found. This is not the realm of community engagement, friendship and allies (although asking for help is always an option). This is the realm of retreat, journaling, journeying and self analysis. This realm asks of us "Can you sit with yourself, and truly see yourself?" "What patterns hold you back and are you ready to pull the thread?" "Where do you perpetually find yourself stuck, and how can you both be accountable and find a pathway forward?" These are not easy questions...and their answers are often obscured.

Which brings me to the other insight in doing my profection year retrospective: what holds us back is often so damn hard to see. How we limit ourselves is so often a blind spot in our life, comprised of automatic responses and core beliefs that operate from the control center of our day to day life. Now here we could argue that this is precisely WHY we need friends and allies...to be our mirror, to reflect back to us (as many times as is necessary) our own unconscious patterns, our own shadows. As a therapist, I hold much empathy and compassion for the number of times my clients come to insights about their life and ways in which they feel they need to change, to only fall right back into the comfort zone of their own self limiting patterns. And as I reflect on my own 12th house profection years, sure I grew each time around...but the patterns are there, on repeat, and largely unchanging. Are we hard-wired around certain dynamics? How much change can we really expect of ourselves? And what fosters and facilitates such growth?

Ah the 12th house. Ah Saturn. You always challenge us to take a deep look into what truly matters. And in my experience, the pathway to growth amidst these 12th house topics is to first try to catch the patterns, the unconscious workings of our mind - without running away from them. Work on them. Commit to the task of self understanding and self reinvention. And then...RELEASE. Create space for NEW. New ways of seeing, new ways of being, new ways of sitting on the top of your own mountain, inhaling all the perspective that one can muster, and exhaling "I am worth it."